Alaa Be Praised

Keir Starmer reveals his priorities. Which turn out to be exactly as we suspected.

Keir Starmer is a bit of an oddball.

Perhaps this will not strike you as the greatest of insights, but stick with me, because the more you consider him, the odder he gets.

The British Prime Minister is a mess of contradictions.

He is a member of the managerial class who simply can’t manage. A leader with no discernible leadership skills.

Starmer is a politician, but he plainly hates politics. Which he obviously finds grubby, underhand, and frankly beneath him.

Instead he is a lawyer, a barrister who can recite every precedent, but has no sense of justice.

A stickler for the rules who is busily tearing up the Britain’s organic, living constitution, replacing it with something sterile, procedural, and anti-democratic.

Starmer is a ruthless authoritarian, who seems desperate to amass power, but only so he can offload as much of it as possible to foreign institutions, international bodies, and most importantly, the EU.

And while he claims to be ‘laser focused’ on expanding the British economy, every single one of his tone deaf government’s economic policies has the same effect on growth, as me imaging Yvette Cooper in a bikini.

Since he first lurched, unloved, into Downing Street in July 2024, we have all wondered the same thing.

Who exactly is this glass eyed boobie? What does he really want? What actually motivates him?

Well finally, eighteen months later, we have finally got our answer.

Because according to Starmer himself, his government’s primary focus, its core objective, number one goal and ‘top priority’ has been to import into the country, a murder loving foreign dissident who hates Britain, considers its people ‘dogs and monkeys’, and wishes all the white ones, and especially the Jewish ones, dead.

Last week, the British Prime Minister, along with hollow headed Justice Secretary David Lammy, and Foreign Secretary Yvette Cooper, all posted on social media how ‘delighted’ they were that Egyptian racist Alaa Abd el-Fattah had ‘returned’ to the country.

I put ‘returned’ in quotes because Alaa Abd el-Fattah is not British. In fact in his own words he’s ’far from British’.

He’s actually an Egyptian activist who was granted British citizenship by the Conservatives back in 2021. On the grounds that they are stupid, and hold this country in only marginally less contempt, than their co-conspirators in idiocy, the Labour Party.

But how did Abd el-Fattah manage to trick British officials into granting him citizenship in the first place?

You’d think that with his social media profile, Alaa’s hatred of Britain, antipathy towards its people, and desire to murder Jews, might have been easy to spot.

I mean, let’s be honest, even his first name’s a bit of a giveaway.

But no.

It turns out that when applying for citizenship, Abd el-Fattah was not subject to a ‘good character’ test, because the British Supreme Court had ruled that such a test would be incompatible with the ECHR. On the grounds that it could potentially be discriminatory, against absolute arseholes, like Mr Abd el-Fattah.

Christ we are idiots.

Laila Soueif (right) , Alaa Abd el-Fattah’s mother, activist, and Les Dawson impersonator.

Back in June of 2025, then Foreign Secretary David Lammy informed a toothless Commons that

“This case has been a top priority every week that I have been in office. At every single level – Prime Minister, Foreign Secretary, minister, national security adviser – we are engaged with the Egyptians.”

So tough luck NHS, no dice cost of living crisis, hard cheese pot holes, you’ll all have to wait your turn.

Because for the majority of last year, ‘every single level’ of government was laser focused on the things that really mattered, securing the release of this whitey despising Egyptian, from a Cairo prison.

Abd el-Fattah spent six years behind bars for posting ‘fake news’ on Facebook which makes it more than a little strange that Starmer would take up his cause.

Since, after destroying the economy, and clumsily fomenting the first English civil war for four hundred years, locking up people for social media posts seems to be the main purpose of his government.

And if Starmer had really wanted Abd el-Fattah out of jail, I don’t understand why he didn’t just put Shabana Mahmood on the job. After all, when it comes ensuring that violent, unpleasant criminals are released early from prison, she’s the absolute expert.

Starmer is now claiming he did not know about Abd el-Fattah’s tweets, but frankly that beggars belief.

Even the usually incurious British press (Ukrainian rent boys burning down the Prime Minister’s house anyone? Might be worth a little nose around? A quick sniff about? Could be a story here maybe? No. No, of course not), managed to momentarily drag itself away from asking Nigel Farage which chapter of the Hitler Youth he attended when he was six, to check Abd el-Fattah’s social media history.

A task seemingly beyond the power of the Home Office, Immigration officials, police, or British security services.

(In fairness, the police were probably unable to check on Abd el-Fattah’s social media posts, because they were far too busy, checking up on yours.)

This row comes a bad time for Keir Starmer.

He is currently trying to convince voters that his government is finally ready to address Britain’s immigration crisis, with Home Secretary Shabana Mahmood proudly unveiling a raft of new rules designed to tackle the issue.

And on the surface, her new directives certainly do seem tough and uncompromising.

They have certainly got the legions of loony left Labour backbenchers’, rainbow lanyards in a twist.

Which, let’s be honest, was kind of the point.

The idea being to create enough of a stink about the Home Secretary’s ‘muscular’ new regime to persuade erstwhile Labour voters in the Red Wall, that her party is finally doing something robust and meaningful to curb both legal, and illegal immigration.

Spoiler Alert: It isn’t.

If you look beyond the harsh rhetoric, the sweary, performative Commons appearances and the mainstream’s supportive headlines, it is pretty clear that Shabana Mahmood’s interventions won’t reduce our catastrophically high level of immigration one jot.

If anything they will just increase it.

Mahmood has announced that instead of having to wait five years for Indefinite Leave To Remain, asylum seekers will now have to wait twenty.

Which, since twenty is a bigger number than five, actually means ‘asylum seekers’ get an extra fifteen years living in the country on benefits, than they did under the old system.

Seems a bit harsh. However will they cope?

Labour is also promising to ‘clear the backlog’ of asylum claims.

But we all know what this means. It means that all, literally all of them, will quietly be waved through, and granted permanent leave to remain, if not actual British citizenship.

This will, of course, be presented as efficiency, streamlining, or some kind of administrative triumph.

And if that wasn’t enough, a recent article in the Telegraph outlining this supposedly barbarous new regime, ends by explaining how Shabana Mahmood

‘has also announced that the Government will create new “safe and legal routes” for genuine refugees to come to the UK.’

This is key to the whole issue. The idea isn’t to stop the tsunami of illegal immigrants flooding into the country.

The plan is to keep letting them in, but to do it in such a way that it is largely hidden from British voters.

The one single advantage of dozens of dinghies full of scowl faced foreign soldiers arriving on our shores every day, is that at least we can see them. At least we can count them. And at least we can bear witness with our own eyes, to exactly who is coming.

Under the ‘safe routes’ scheme you can absolutely guarantee that the origin, numbers and background of the ‘refugees’ flowing into the country will be concealed from the public behind an obfuscating smokescreen of bureaucracy, data protection regulations, ‘human rights’ laws, and privacy legalisation.

The closer you look at Mahmood’s new proposals the more you can see that they basically boil down to this; everyone gets to stay, there are even more ways to enter, and no one gets deported.

But maybe I’m wrong about all this. Maybe I’m just a bigoted bigoty bigot, doing bigotry. Picking on innocent refugees, and victim blaming the marginalised and downtrodden.

Well, luckily for me Fillippo Grandi, currently the UN’s High Commissioner for Refugees, has popped up on Radio 4’s Today programme, to lecture me about my terrible attitudes, unacceptable views, and wrong opinions.

Last week the BBC’s flagship news programme was being guest edited by Cate Blanchett. The Australian actress most famous for being a bit like Tilda Swinton.

Having Cate Blanchett guest edit the Today program makes about as much sense as drafting in Bonnie Blue to edit the Catholic Herald.

What next? Crocodile Dundee presenting World At One? Kylie Minogue hosting Farming Today? The ghost of Rolf Harris fronting Woman’s Hour?

And no one, least of all Ms Blanchett herself, could see the irony of having an Australian actress lecturing Brits on why they are wrong to claim immigrants are coming over here stealing our jobs, while she was literally coming over here, and stealing someone’s job.

After all, it’s not like Britain is short of a home grown, self satisfied, lady luvvie or two.

But maybe Emma Thompson was unavailable, too busy, jetting off around the world, to patronise the dirty proles about the forthcoming climate apocalypse.

Perhaps Dawn -[does baby voice] ‘a bad fing happened’-French was hard at work, ridiculing dead Jews.

And no doubt the insufferable Olivia Colman was off somewhere, lecturing white teenage boys about toxic masculinity, or otherwise occupied, getting right up my nose, to make herself available.

Anyhoo.

Back to the point.

Mr Grandi, who has never ever had a job outside of the UN, earns a basic salary of £227,400 pa, and lives in that festering powder keg of racial and cultural tension that is Geneva in Switzerland, demands that Britain opens its borders and creates ‘migrant channels for those who aren’t actually refugees but are simply looking for ‘better opportunities’.

Well great news Fillippo!

Such a channel already exists.

It’s called the English Channel. And every day it’s full of people, who aren’t actually refugees but are just men looking to improve their lives, with ‘better opportunities’.

The problem with this ‘better opportunities’ argument, a favourite of progressives everywhere, is twofold.

One. Why is it incumbent on me to provide a ‘better life’ for some Albanian Crime Lord, Somali pirate, or Eritrean drug dealer?

I am not responsible for these people. I am not beholden to these people. And please excuse me if I come across as the worst human being since (checks notes for this week’s Emmanuel Goldstein), David Walliams, but I don’t care about these people.

And secondly. If your criteria for accepting migrants into your country is that they must be wanting a ‘better life’ then you are literally opening your borders to the entire world.

There is not a human being on the planet who doesn’t want to make their life better.

I expect even Elon Musk has got some ideas about how to make his own rubbish life, a tiny bit less shitty.

We all want to improve our lives.

And the thing is, according to most polls, the majority of British people believe their lives would be immeasurably improved if the government didn’t spend half their wages on housing illegal immigrants, half its manpower installing diversity barriers outside every market, festival, bridge, carnival and village fete, and half its energies extolling us not to ‘look back in anger’ every time some Islamist lunatic runs amok with kitchen knife.

Fillippo Ghandi wasn’t the only open borders do gooder clogging up our airwaves over Christmas.

The BBC, (who else?) played host to Mary Anne Stephenson, the progressive elite’s hot new girl boss, who Sir Keir has personally appointed as Chairman of the Equality and Human Rights Commission.

Of course, Dr Stephenson hasn’t just appeared out of the blue. She has form.

The Telegraph explains that

Before her appointment, Dr Stephenson previously lobbied the Government to abandon its “smash the gangs” policy and allow more asylum seekers into the country, comparing criticism of refugees to “hostile politics, racist rhetoric and demonising language of the past”.

Look, maybe Mary Anne Stephenson will do a good job. She seems refreshingly robust on the trans issue. At least in the need to respect the Supreme Court Judgement that men and women are, (trigger warning) different.

But if Starmer is really serious about tackling Britain’s all consuming migrant crisis then surely he can find someone for the role who doesn’t, like every other Labour appointee in history, seem to default to putting the needs of foreign migrants, foreign crooks, rapists, child molesters and Egyptian dissidents above the needs of the British people.

That’s enough for today. But let’s briefly return to Mr Abd el-Fattah one last time.

Now he’s finally here. The question is what is the Starmer government going to do with him?

It can’t deport him, imprison him, or disown him.

So what’s to be done?

Well in best progressive tradition, the more useless you are, the higher you get promoted. Right Ursula?

So maybe we can find an answer to this conundrum in Alaa Abd el-Fattah’s own Tweets.

To recap:

Alaa Abd el-Fattah has posted that he considers British people to be little more than ‘dogs and monkeys’, he hates ‘colonialists’, despises Jews, and says he is ‘proud to be racist against whites’.

So may I humbly suggest that by simply adding the above information to the ‘About Me’ section of his CV, Mr Abd el-Fattah would make himself the ideal candidate, the perfect choice, and an absolute a shoo in, for the currently vacant job, of Director General of the BBC.

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Thank you for reading Low Status Opinions.

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