Nightmayor Scenario
Burnham’s plans for Devolution are a disaster.
Labour MPs are useless. Rubbish. Ineffective. Unqualified. Out of touch. Sub par. Inadequate. Inferior. Useless. Faulty. Defective. And generally, well, a bit crap.
But don’t take my word for it. That’s what Labour MPs themselves think.
Or at least I assume so. Because out of the 411 Labour MPs who won their seats in the 2024 landslide election, there’s not a solitary single one of them, not one, who they themselves consider good enough to run their party, let alone the country.
Which is why, after the inevitable implosion of Keir Starmer’s calamitous premiershit, they’ve had to look outside parliament, and draft in Manchester mayor, Andy Burnham, to run it for them.
This also-ran flop, a dud who the Labour party already twice rejected as leader, in 2010, and 2015, gave his first big speech as Britain’s Prime Minister Presumptive at the People’s History Museum in Manchester.
Which is apt. Because not only are most of his fresh new ideas, museum pieces, dusted down failures from the 1970s, but after fourteen disastrous years under the awful Tories, and twenty four ruinous, nation destroying months with Keir Starmer, Britain and its people, are pretty much history.
So what’s Andy Burnham’s big idea to turn our nation around, to solve the crippling cost of living crisis, end the housing shortage, reestablish our non existent borders, cut crime, and revivify our struggling economy?
Well you know devolution? Probably, after Net Zero, the worst, most divisive, most wasteful, most corrupt, and most poverty entrenching idea any British government has ever come up with ever?
It’s that.
No really.
Our Andy must be the only person in Britain who has looked at the disastrous effects devolution has visited on the good people of Wales and Scotland, gifting Scotland the lowest life expectancy in Western Europe, and Wales the highest welfare dependency in the country, and gone, yup, let’s have ourselves some more of that!
In fact the only person I can identify to have actually benefited from twenty five years of devolution is Mad Murray McDonald, proprietor of Mad Murray’s Mega Motorhome Mart in Govanhill, Glasgow.
Burnham isn’t messing about, he has plans to move the seat of government out of Westminster to a ‘No 10 North’.
Because as any super successful CEO knows, the first and most vital step in revitalising any failing, fading, clapped out organisation, is reducing the boss’s commute time home.
As if the problems that this country faces can be solved by the guy tasked with sorting them out, moving hundreds of miles away from the centre of economic and political power.
It’s nuts. Like Volodymyr Zelenskyy deciding the best place for him to prosecute the Ukraine war is from a Berni Inn, just outside Kidderminster.
Now half Burnham’s ministers, permanent secretaries, civil servants, and advisors will be based in London but spend half their time commuting to Manchester. While the other half will be based in Manchester but spend half their time commuting to London.
It’s a recipe for inefficiency, duplication, confusion, and waste.
Burnham also plans to create twelve powerful new regional mayoralties. With greater control over transport, housing, and economic development, plus health and social care.
It’s an excellent plan. Because if there’s one thing better than having a single bloated, rubbish government full of second rate, also ran politicians, busily finding new and stupid ways to waste our money, it’s keeping that one bloated, rubbish government, while adding twelve extra little satellite governments full of third rate, also ran politicians, busily finding even more new and stupid ways to waste our money, but you know, locally.
Of course Andy Burnham was himself a regional mayor for nine years.
So you have to ask. Where does Andy get his brilliant ideas from?
It’s like Mr Kipling announcing that his vision for national renewal involves every branch of government eating more Bramley Apple Pies.
It seems there is an organised push by the progressive elite to entrench far left ideology, climate lunacy, trans and identity politics, high taxation, and political unaccountability into western nations in the name of localism. By taking power from the centre, and transferring it to a cabal of unelected, hand picked, specifically trained, socialist mayors (shout out to Sadiq Khan) in major cities across the globe.
Yes, yes. I know this sounds like a ‘right wing’ conspiracy theory. So apologies if I comes across as a bit nutso. But take a look at some of the excellent work journalist Charlotte Gill has done on the C40 Mayoral training scheme and decide for yourself.
But just maybe Burnham’s plans for a ‘No 10 North’ actually lack ambition.
Perhaps Burnham should consider moving his government even further North. To the North Pole.
Because he seems intent on selling himself as a sort of treats-for-all Santa Claus, a kindly, jolly benefactor, who will fill a sleigh full of goodies, then race round the country
‘Delivering growth in every postcode and hope in every heart’.
A meaningless vacuous statement Fine words indeed.
Although considering what Labour has actually been delivering since 2024 we should maybe expect something a bit less ambitious.
A HMO full of ‘asylum seekers’ in every postcode, and a hopeless twelve hour wait for an ambulance, with every heart attack.
But hang on. Burnham says he wants ‘growth’. So that’s positive right?
After all about the only growth the country has seen since 2024 was that time Vicki Starmer went on a girls night out, and Keir stayed home to host that visiting Ukrainian boy band.
Well sort of.
Don’t expect a Hayekian revolution of tax cuts, de regulation, and small government.
Sure Burnham claims he wants growth, but then adds a left wing qualifier, by saying what he actually desires is ‘good growth’.
As with ‘equality’, ‘justice’, ‘fairness’, ‘inclusion’, ‘diversity’, and of course ‘woman’, we long ago learned that words tend to mean their opposite when they are uttered by the progressive left.
So when Burnham says ‘good growth’ what he is really talking about is stagnation, paralysis, and torpor.
The growth that inevitably comes with more public spending, higher taxes, civil servant wage hikes, benefits uplifts, greater government subsidies, and a tsunami of borrowing.
A growth in misery, poverty, dependency, division, and debt.
The truth is Andy, we don’t want devolved government. Powerful mayoralties. A ‘rewired’ Britain. Or a ‘No 10 North’. We just want you to get the taxman off our necks. Fix a couple of potholes. And stop importing rapists.
Of course you need a brilliant team to push through excellent policies, and Andy Burnham has recruited the very best.
A top team of
‘strong northern power-women’,
Not good enough to lead the party obviously. But these ladies do make a mean cup of tea. And are an absolute whizz at the washing up.
A bit patronising?
Soz.
But that’s nothing compared to ‘a senior Labour source’ who announced that
That’s right girls. Don’t trouble your pretty little heads with tricky subjects like adding stuff up, or working out how best to prosecute deploy Britain’s brave soldiers.
Thems are the man jobs Babes.
The same source even claimed that Burnham is essentially, “Labour’s first female Prime Minister” , which might seem ludicrous, and more than a little insulting to you know, actual women.
But what do you expect from a party, which is so confused and out of touch about gender, that it allowed actual cock and balls geezers to feature on its ‘all women short lists’ until five minutes ago. And only reluctantly removed the lads from in amongst the bonus holers because it was forced to, by the Supreme Court.
Top of Burnham’s powder puff power pile is his right hand woman, Louise Haigh.
Who was forced to resign as Transport Secretary in 2024 when it was revealed she had been convicted of fraud in 2014.
This flame haired progressive is loudly demanding an increase in capital gains tax, and more borrowing.
Or to put it another way:
Convicted fraudster leaps on moral high horse to explain why it’s fair to steal your stuff and give it to someone else.
Remember when you couldn’t open the Guardian, check Facebook, or switch on the BBC without being reminded that Donald Trump is a ‘convicted felon’?
So can we expect, as her profile grows in the coming weeks and months, those same outlets to bombard us with reminders about Louise Haigh’s criminal record?
I can only assume, that as with Trump, they’ll never shut up about it.
Most voters won’t have heard of Miatta Fahnbullah. And to be honest up until about twenty seconds ago, neither had I.
Described by some as ‘Burnham’s Brain’ this former think tanker and the present MP for Peckham hasn’t encountered a crack pot socialist scheme she didn’t champion, a discredited far left idea she didn’t want to reheat, and an air conditioning unit she didn’t want to ban.
Supposedly her biggest passion is for Universal Basic Income. A bonkers communist idea where the state (you) pays
Sure it sounds a bit ‘out there’. But not really. The UK is already rolling out UBI.
Though it’s not ‘universal’ quite yet, with eligibility strictly policed, and limited exclusively to anyone who turns up in a rubber dingy at Dover, claiming to be a fourteen year old gay Afghan.
And talking of powerful lady women, there’s always Labour’s much celebrated First Female Chancellor, Rachel Reeves
Whoops no. She’s about to get thrown under Andy Burnham’s freshly painted yellow bus.
But don’t worry about our Rach. I’m sure she’ll be fine.
After all, she has a great CV. And if she doesn’t have the right qualifications for her next job. No worries. She’ll just do what she did last time.
And make them up.
The Labour Party has once again succumbed to group think. First it was the anti-human idiocy of socialism, then the unhinged doom mongering of climate change, the hysteria surrounding BLM, the kid cutting lunacy of trans, and now, it is once again captured, this time by the Cult of Burnham.
But all that aside, after our recent ridiculous, awful, and unbearable slew of Prime Minsters, will Andy Burnham actually be any good?
I don’t want to be a Negative Ninny, but let’s not get our hopes up.
After all, even Andy Burnham doesn’t seem to think he is up to the job.
Like most leading politicians on the left, and it is fair to say, many on the supposed right, he seems desperate to game our democratic system in order to gain political power, just so he can then give it away.
To strip parliament of the few powers that it hasn’t already ceded to NGOs, activist judges, captured institutions, and a partisan, ever more muscular civil service, and hand them to regional fiefdoms, local bosses, provincial mayors, and the inevitable ‘community leaders’, whose interests aren’t just unaligned to the interests of the majority of British people, but are often actively and openly antithetical to them.
But even that isn’t the whole story.
Burnham’s ultimate aim, is to return our nation, lock, stock and barrel back into the bony bosom of Ursula Von Der Leyen’s European Union.
He already has a head start in this cock eyed crusade.
Because luckily for him, if there is one thing his hapless, useless predecessor has been genuinely skilled at, and passionate about, it’s betraying British interests, and handing our wealth, lawmaking powers, territory, and fish to our enemies friends and trading partners
Just this week Starmer offered to slash the rate paid by EU students studying in Britain, by around three quarters, (from £38,000 to £9,000. With your wages making up the difference) in return for nothing more than a date for ‘talks’ about his stupid EU ‘reset’.
I genuinely don’t get it.
What hope is there for this nation when it is led by yet another no mark politician who thinks his country (and presumably himself) is so inferior, pathetic, dreadful, useless, and rotten that it can’t even be trusted to govern itself.
Not that long ago Great Britain presided over the largest, most extensive, globe spanning empire the world has ever seen. Yes, ever.
Now our bosses believe the UK is incapable of running its own domestic affairs without paying the French billions, just to grade our tomatoes.
It’s insane.
Andy Burnham has promised to ‘rewire’ our government and “give Britain the circuit-breaker it needs”
But the last time the British government tried to impose a ‘circuit breaker’ on its people, it helped kill off a quarter of a million Nanas, irrevocably destroyed our kids education, and eviscerated our economy.
We’re about to find out, just how grim it really is, up North.
***********************************
Thank you for reading Low Status Opinions.
If you enjoyed this piece please, please share it, give it a ‘like,’ or subscribe. I can only grow this Substack with your help, and doing any, or all of those things genuinely makes a huge difference for me.
There is also my Buy Me A Coffee button here 👆 for everyone who would prefer to show some one-off support. Again, this makes a big difference to me and I cannot tell you how much I appreciate you going out of your way to give me a boost. Thanks!!!
Hope you are still enjoying the Climate Apocalypse as much as I am. It’s absolutely glorious round my way. Great work Carbon Emissions!! 👍
ATB and see you in the comments.
LSO
Plebs like us are not allowed an opinion and you have beautifully demonstrated why. We don’t understand them.
Plus at the end you point out that Great Britain used to rule the waves, but now the UK is incapable of anything.
Notice how they have changed the name of our country. I don’t claim credit for noticing, someone else did but I can’t remember who.
You'd think devolution would be an anathema to getting back into the EU but in effect it's just creating additional layers of middle management bureaucracy so no one ever has to take responsibility for the shitstorms they create