Revengers End Game

Starmer’s party is finally out to get him.

It used to be, back in the olden days, when everyone knew what a woman was, we still had a navy, and Britain’s Attorney General didn’t see it as his job to lock up brave men who had fought for their country, that it was mainly top class lady singers who were known by just one name.

Madonna. Cher. Nico. Sade. Enya. And of course Lulu.

(Ten points if you’ve just shouted ‘Dana!’ At your laptop. )

Nowadays this styling is more often used by the high minded progressive classes to signal their damning moral condemnation of our most heinous modern villains.

‘Putin’, ‘Trump’, ‘Musk’ ‘Epstein’

Nearly always men, (even ‘Truss’ is usually granted a ‘Liz’) the names of these malefactors are spat out with clipped, staccato contempt.

As if their very articulation is an effluent, sullying the pristine, sin-free mouths of noble saints, being forced to utter them.

And yet it does seem a curious coincidence that most, if not all of these degenerates spent decades as the lauded, celebrated, favourites of the very same elite class which now considers itself too virtuous and pure to even say their full names.

The now hated ‘Epstein’ is perhaps the worst/best example.

For years good old Jeffrey was held in thrall by the globalist classes.

Even after his conviction for soliciting a minor for prostitution, our elders and betters, men like Bill Clinton, Bill Gates, and Prince Andrew, continued to make an eager beeline to his door.

I can only imagine what attraction an island full of half clad, pliant, teenage girls, held for these highly principled, honourable, men.

Maybe Epstein Island gave them a much needed respite from tirelessly, and graciously lecturing the rest of us, about our own moral failings. Maybe it simply boasted a great pool table.

But since Jeffrey Epstein found himself subjected to a full on Kim Leadbeater, back in 2019, I guess we will never know.

Now a new name has joined this lamentable rogues’ gallery.

‘Mandelson’.

A vile snake of such low morals, poor reputation, and inferior character that it takes an almost super human effort for the great and the good, BBC journalists, top politicians, and Guardian columnists, to even gob out the unholy syllables of his loathsome appellation.

Mandelson has been on quite the journey. And not just to Epstein Isle and back.

Now a slick and slimy seventy something, I’m old enough to remember when moustachioed, and even a little gauche, he presented less like a sharp suited Davos insider, and more like a disappointed wannabe, trudging home from a failed audition for Frankie Goes To Hollywood.

We are being spun the conceit that Starmer’s latest difficulties are ultimately the result of new information, scandalous revelations, and damning evidence, which has only just emerged, about the political class’s erstwhile golden boy.

But don’t be fooled, this is simply not true.

Peter Mandelson has not, thanks to a partial release of the ‘Epstein files’, been suddenly unmasked, in the fashion of a Scooby Doo villain, as a liar, quisling, and creep.

The elite classes have known all about him for thirty years.

After all, his penchant for, and mastery of, equivocation, dodgy, double dealing, and spin, is what earned him his reputation as the ‘Prince of Darkness’ in the first place.

Though just as the regime affected to be -shocked, shocked I tell you- when the true extent of the crimes committed by the same Pakistani Muslim rape gangs they had spent years, ignoring, covering up, and often actually facilitating, were finally revealed to an incandescent public, so our bosses clutched their pearls, in performative astonishment, when voters finally became privy to the grisly, grim, and grubby character traits the ruling elites had for decades, so highly prized in Lord Peter Mandelson.

At the time of writing the seemingly unflushable Sir Keir Starmer is clinging on to his role, as Britain’s worst ever Prime Minister.

Let’s be honest, no one has been so ill suited to a public position, since the BBC handed Jimmy Savile his very own kid’s show.

Last week, at the dispatch box, Starmer claimed that the entire Mandelson affair had been ‘put to bed’, even as he affected the countenance of a man accused of nothing more odious, than accidentally putting his bins out a day early.

It was a performance so bafflingly deluded that the question is no longer,

Why did Keir Starmer appoint an unvetted Peter Mandelson?

It is,

How the hell does this guy pass those online ‘Are you human?’ Captcha tests?

I guess he asks his wife to complete them for him.

Which must be embarrassing, when the website he’s trying to access is topsoff@Ukrainianfarmhand.net.

Let’s be honest. Starmer has done well to survive this long.

From the Chagos Islands, to Southport, to Waheed Alli’s penthouse flat, his administration has already weathered multiple scandals, catastrophes, and disasters, any one of which would have brought down lesser, Tory administrations, in a heartbeat.

And incredibly, in the last few days, even as the temple collapses around him, he’s managed to squeeze out a new one. I alluded to it earlier.

Starmer is now accused of helping lay the legal groundwork, which allowed best pal and Attorney General, Lord Hermer, to pursue a ‘witch hunt’ against British servicemen. Targeting soldiers who supposedly impinged on the ‘human rights’ of Al-Qaeda terrorists, by not letting them massacre British troops.

(Yes top lawyers, I’m paraphrasing.)

But now Starmer has become such a liability, that even his own party, which only ever saw him as a means to an end, (an arms length, loveless, transactional relationship which he was only too happy to reciprocate) is finally abandoning him.

And forget Lord Mandelson, his party’s plummeting polling figures, or our flatlining economy. As far as many Labour backbenchers are concerned, it is Starmer’s reluctance to go full communist, and turn Britain into a Gaza-twinned, kid castrating, Maoist theme park, that is his biggest sin.

And that should terrify us all.

Because as awful as he is, there’s literally no way Starmer can be remotely as bad as any of the dunderheaded D listers waiting in the wings to replace him.

And here’s a scary thought.

In two weeks time, one of them, quite possibly will.

So now might be an opportune moment to get ahead of the curve, and work our way through the list of weak assed wannabes, giving each a score out of ten, based on their chances of becoming our next PM.

And please don’t get your knickers a twist if I say something you disagree with/ dislike/or think is unfair.

Yes, I’m over simplifying. But relax, it’s just a bit of fun.

Here we go.

Never more popular with his own reflection than he is right now, wide faced Wes Streeting senses his time has come.

But this one time Mandelson acolyte is considered too ‘right wing’ by his party. Mainly for his reluctance to accept the obvious diagnosis that the entirety of the problems facing our dysfunctional, broken, not fit for purpose NHS, can be put down to the refusal of ‘greedy billionaires’ to pay ‘their fair share’.

We should let Wes run for leader, but only after he’s spent five years on a waiting list. And then cancel his candidacy at the last moment.

Just to see how he likes it.

4/10

I wrote a whole piece about why King in The North, Andy Burnham will never get the top job. But maybe I was wrong.

If they parachute him into a safe seat. And he does a pact with Angela Rayner, I concede he could end up as Prime Minister.

Or even worse, chancellor.

Still, Andy Burnham is wildly popular among the proles. At least that appears to be the opinion shared by the Labour Party, the BBC, and Andy Burnham.

I’m still not convinced.

3/10

Angela Rayner. Now we’re talking. Tax swerving Ange is everything I want from a modern Labour leader.

Wrong headed. Sanctimonious. Crass. Innumerate.

Wearing her ‘working class’ credentials like a chain-vaping drag artist wears a diamonte encrusted boob tube, surely Our Ange is a shoo-in.

10/10

Like Streeting, Shabana Mahmood is considered too ‘right wing’ by much of her party.

Her evident Nazism springs from her half hearted, inadequate, attempts to stem the tide of chancers turning up on our coast demanding free hotels, health care, and teenagers.

But still, Mahmood represents a triple threat to the other candidates.

She’s easily the cleverest of the bunch. Her ‘tough on immigration’ affectations are genuinely popular with the public. And out of all the candidates, she is demonstrably the most Muslim.

That’s why they’ll gang up against her in any first round, and throw her overboard, quicker than a Dover bound asylum seeker, can dump his passport into the English Channel.

6/10

Older readers may remember ‘The Worm That Turned’, the brilliant Two Ronnies sketch depicting a dystopian future where women in SS uniforms seize control of Britain.

Education enemy, Bridget Phillipson very much gives off that vibe.

She’s clearly got her eyes on the top job. Which is why, despite last year’s Supreme Court ruling that men are the ones with willies, and the bonus holers , are typically the ladies, (Who knew?) , Phillipson still refuses to issue trans ‘guidance’, for fear of losing the support of they/thems, confused blokes, and angry, blue haired women.

A confession: Phillipson would dress up like Heinrich Himmler, humiliate us like a nation of naughty schoolboys, and whip right leaning men like me, into dribble mouthed submission.

And I’d absolutely love it.

As a stereotypical dominatrix Bridget Phillipson is perfect. But as a politician, and a human being. She seems absolutely awful.

666/10.

Ed Miliband basically runs the government already.

He’s de facto energy minister, chancellor, and head of what’s left of the British armed forces, all rolled into one Wallace shaped, claymation package.

Already deciding who we fight, (er, no one), what we spend, and how many nanas we freeze to death with sky high energy bills. (Who cares? They probably vote Tory anyway)

But on the downside, Ed is Jewish. And since the Labour Party seems keen to win back all the voters who want to re enact the Holocaust find a peaceful, fair solution to the Palestinian problem, I’m not sure how that would work out for him.

5/10 (tho he’s already doing the job.)

David Lammy. Please, please let it be Lammy. Whatever happens, Britain is going be ruined in the next three years. At least with Lammy in charge we’ll get a laugh out of it.

And the irony is, if David Lammy did become PM, he’d go down in history.

Which means he’d never know about it.

11/10

Let’s quickly round up the no hopers

Yvette Cooper. Useless, charmless, and clueless.

She would be like a Starmer tribute act, but recast as a pinch faced, angry, schoolboy.

0/10

John Healy. The defence secretary keeps getting talked up at the moment, but he has zero public profile.

I follow this stuff religiously. And I still couldn’t pick him out of a dinghy full of Sudanese scientists.

0/10

Rachel Reeves. I’m not even going to bother to write anything about Labour’s tear stained tax taker.

0/10

(Though whatever happens, you can guarantee that by this time next year Rachel Reeves will have ‘Served as Prime Minister of Great Britain and Northern Ireland’ as the first entry on her CV.)

Wild Card: Peter Mandelson.

Don’t be so quick to dismiss him. Let’s consider his credentials.

He’s a slippery, slimy snake. So he’s already well versed in Labour Party politics.

He has great global connections, being tight with the Russians, the Chinese, the Illuminati, and those pizza pedophiles who Hillary Clinton gets to run everything.

(It’s a joke Hillary. Please do not kill me.)

Peter boasts great name recognition, and is a familiar face everywhere from Davos, to Washington, to Chariots Men’s Sauna in Vauxhall.

(Yes. Another joke.)

And best of all. I understand that he’s already gone through quite extensive security vetting.

100/10

In a way it doesn’t matter who succeeds the failure that is Keir Starmer. It seems to me the chances of the centre right forming the next British government are about 30% and falling.

With a far left, Islamo coalition of the damned, almost inevitable.

I’m not being defeatist. It’s just maths. There are now too many people in this country living off the state, for there to be enough left over, to vote for a smaller one.

Plus, no one is making the argument against continuing with this lunacy.

And any who are, are either ignored, or branded ‘far-right’ by the subsidy dependent classes who run our civil service, our institutions, the ‘independent’ Bank of England, our media, and the BBC.

We’re sunk whatever happens. So maybe the only thing we can do, is strap in and enjoy the ride.

God bless us all.

And I’ll see you on the other side.

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